Hello Everyone,
I hope you are well, safe and flowing with ease during this time.
Thank you for staying in contact, I’ve really enjoyed receiving your messages and connecting virtually.
It’s been two weeks since I got to the part of Costa Rica where I’ve been. I must admit it is a paradise, but it took me a while to settle in and embrace the fact that I am here.
The first few days I arrived were, let’s say, difficult. It had a lot to do with my moon cycle at the moment, but also with a heavy emotion that I wasn’t quite sure where it was coming from. My cousin kept telling me to go to the ocean, that it would make me feel better, yet I kept resisting the visit, covering it up with the fact that I needed rest and had cramps. After four days I still had not gone to the ocean, while literally having a little private beach 5 mins walk away. Then finally, it hit me! I didn’t want to go and feel better, because I felt it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that other people were locked up in their tiny apartments, while I had the luxury of walking in nature and bathing in the ocean. It wasn’t fair that a family member was ill, while I was healthy and had the power and knowledge within me to heal. It wasn’t fair that some people were alone without any physical touch, while I had my Mom and two very special quarantine people by my side, giving me hugs and all the love and support I needed. It just didn’t feel fair that some people didn’t have the practices or tools that could support them, while I had plenty. It didn’t feel fair that people were suffering because they had forgotten to trust, to believe and to tune into their inner wisdom that their hearts and bodies carry, while I had been in a fortunate position to pray my heart out and feel more connected than ever…
In tears of sadness and shame, I named the heaviness, it was GUILT. It was a deep-rooted guilt of having certain things, such as loving people, plenty of options, expansive experiences that others didn’t. The moment the clarity came through, I was immediately compelled to release. It did not serve me and there was no reason to hold on to it. To do so I had to recognize and feel the guilt, as heavy as it was, and start transmuting what was lying underneath into gratitude. I suddenly started to feel lighter in my heart as I let in gratitude, so much GRATITUDE!
I then began focusing on my worth. “Yes, Claudia you are worthy of this!” I have worked hard and made decisions in alignment with my path that have led me to this point in my life. After establishing that I AM WORTHY, I shifted my focus on being the worthy receiver, which was probably the most challenging part. I allowed myself to open to receiving the moment as it was; this special place, the loving people by my side, the generosity of Mother Earth and the practices and values I stand for. I also welcomed the gift of this unique time and space, my health and ultimately the calm that lives within as a result of fully trusting in my path.
I am now more appreciative than ever for all of it! Guilt is a powerful emotion, but it is self-created, and somehow, we become our own prisoners. After those first five challenging days, I finally made up my mind and went to the ocean. Let me tell you, it felt completely liberating! Since then, I go most mornings to my little secluded beach to meditate and journal under a beautiful tree. I let myself feel the peace of the moment, I listen to the sound of the waves, the birds chirping and the monkeys howling (sometimes quite loudly!), and I simply let myself soak it all in. I ask myself, “How blessed am I right now?” My inner voice softly replies, “this is it, this is all you need and you have it”. A smile creeps in and I receive the joy of the present and just for a tiny moment I forget about all the chaos, the uncertainty and my frustrations that may show up later in the day. But, at least I had the blissful experience and it helps me deal with the rest of the day. If it wasn’t for my practices, it might not have been as easy as it sounds, or only taken five days (time is relative). I might still be checking out instead of in, stuck in a pattern of self- sabotage that leads nowhere instead of shifting my inner world to see a better outer world. I might also, still be blocking all the beautiful gifts this Earth offers instead of consciously opening my heart to receive them.
Fortunately, over time, I have explored and cultivated the practices of Yoga, Yoga Nidra, meditation, journaling, embodied movement and being out in nature on a daily basis. These practices help keep my hopes high and continue to support me through the journey of life with conscious awareness and blissful moments. Every day is different when it comes to my practices. Some days I do them all, while others I’ll only do two or three. As much as I enjoy creating rituals, building habits and maintaining commitment, I also surrender to my body and mind’s needs. It depends on how I’m feeling and the circumstances of the moment. I try my best to do what feels right and stay adaptable. I recommend the same for you. Explore, be curious, enjoy the process and remember, there is no concrete destination, there is only the journey. I also have to say that your support has been key to this whole journey within, you are all my inspiration and motivators to continue immersing myself in the love and passion for these practices. For this I’m truly grateful.
